Countdown to 2013

It's that time of year where we countdown the final days of the year, and generally express what we are thankful for - or complain about how quickly the year has gone - or grumble because we haven't started our Christmas Shopping. 

I'm one of those people. I haven't started my shopping, the year has gone way too quickly, and OH BOY has the temperature gone up a notch in the last month. It is going to be a bloody scorcher of a Christmas. My friends in the Northern Hemisphere who find this hilarious that we have a hot Christmas, I challenge you to come down here one day and experience it for yourself. You will not want to have the traditional Hot Christmas Dinner... I'm telling you.  

This time last year, my fiance and I were on a plane bound for Canada. I cannot believe that a year has passed since we went to spend a month in gorgeous Vancouver/Whistler, British Columbia. I have missed it, (and our friends) every day since we have left. The more we plan our wedding, the more time we keep adding to our 'next' journey there. Currently, our trip stands at around five weeks!

I anticipate amazing things for 2013. I can sense it. It's going to be an amazing year.

I am super thankful to my family and friends (old and new) who have been there for me throughout the year. It's been a year of tremendous highs and really crushing lows - but it hasn't changed the person that I am. My Buddhist meditations have also helped more than I can even express.


Also - everyone out there reading my blog MUST dig deep, and buy one (or more) of the SA-YES Charity Wristbands that I'm selling.  At $5.00 a wristband they truly are a bargain, and help to empower young people in South Africa through the amazing 'South African Youth Education for Sustainability' program. To learn more about this amazing charity that I have supported since it's inception, please visit their website.  They truly do amazing things.

I anticipate that my next blog will be Christmas Lights photos. Perhaps even some touristy photos as my sister and soon to be brother-in-law will be arriving from Wales to spend 6 weeks with us. :-)

The important thing is to take that first step. Bravely overcoming one small fear gives you the courage to take on the next.- Daisaku Ikeda

My own personal theme song

For the longest time I was defined as a 'nerd', a 'geek', as someone who you really shouldn't associate with because I was different from the rest. Over the last few years I have really discovered within myself that it's actually okay to be different from everyone else. That it doesn't matter that you're different.

We are all individuals and should all be unique.

I know that in the last twelve months especially since starting to learn Buddhist teachings... I think I've even found a stronger sense of self. All those people who used to berate me back in the day for being something that they found to be 'not normal' - I can't even imagine that half of those people are living their dreams.

In fact, I can tell you with great certainty that they probably aren't. 

Gillian Anderson puts it perfectly into perspective:

"When I think of normal, I think of mediocrity… and mediocrity scares the fuck out of me."

In fact. I am so so so thankful that I found this strength that showed me that my 'less than normal' ways were in fact quite normal, that there are hundreds of thousands of other fandom geeks out there. By embracing this geekiness I have been able to really overcome some great difficulties that I always had within me. They may seem small and insignificant now, but they will always be my demons.

An example of one of those demons (for me) is public speaking. By throwing Aussie X-Files Fans @ Facebook fundraisers it brought me out of my shell, taught me that the only thing that matters is that I have the confidence in myself - and then everything else will follow.

Believe me, they have followed. Some of my wildest dreams have come true in the last few years since I've been working on this strength. They continue to happen. They are unfolding in ways that I never even began to imagine when I started out on this road.

Yesterday I attended another amazing day meditation course put on by the Brisbane Tara Kadampa Buddhist Centre focusing on Inner Strength.

Without going into too much detail - the amazing Kelsang Tsalden tought us that in the search for inner strength we must let go of the fear and the 'what if' in any situation and just accept that this is our fate - once you accept whatever is thrown at you, you will be able to handle any situation. She said that all living beings have suffering at some stage in their life - no one is perfect - and the sooner you realise that everyone has something that they are struggling with, and you are able to approach all living beings with compassion, kind heart and strong mind - you will develop inner strength, and will find an amazing sense of inner peace.

Her whole teaching was based on the book 'Eight Steps To Happiness' by Geshe Kelsang Gyatso - which I am reading right now. I cannot wait to really take on board the teaching from yesterdays course, and hopefully be able to successfully practice the meditation we learned.

At one point during the lesson - Tsalden was talking about not being afraid to use your imagination. That without imagination, ideas wouldn't be born, and would cease to exist. Without an architect designing a house, planning it out, it would not happen. In a sense, pretty much my mantra that I took from The X-Files of what can be imagined, can be achieved. You could not wipe the smile off my face during this part of the lesson. : )

Your body is a wish-fulfilling jewel.

It's been a very 'mixed up' week so far.

After attending an amazing Buddhist meditation course on Saturday about the difference between Love and Attachment - and for the first time ever, doing a concentrated meditation - I have had a lot on my mind. Especially at a time when ideally I would like nothing more than to have NOTHING on my mind. We had to focus our thoughts on someone that we wanted to 'love' - imagine my disgust at myself when I failed to complete the meditation because my mind was just too busy.

I have allocated time later this week, when my work is done, to concentrate on this meditation again and to attempt to complete it. Kelsang Tsalden did say that it was one of the hardest meditations so I guess I shouldn't be too hard on myself since I am really a newbie at this meditation stuff.

And of course... Fan Expo (Toronto) happened over the weekend. I spent half the weekend chiding myself for feeling so down that I wasn't actually there. (Remember back when I was in Top Geek all those months ago, that was my ultimate goal?) --- Turns out, upon reflection, that all I'm feeling is attachment. Attachment to the fans, the guests, and a little bit of jealousy that I wasn't there myself.

I go through this with every single convention that happens.

Every. Single. Time. 

So yes, I have to go through this stupid cycle of emotions again this coming weekend. Because Dragon*Con is happening in Atlanta.

However, I'm thankful that I've busied myself this weekend with plenty of activity so that I can at least try and focus on things that are really more important. Yes, I'd like to be at the convention seeing friends etc, but the reality is that I live in a country that is just too far away to make these things possible (and do not have a disposable income that can allow traveling around the world for these events) - and right now, I have to concentrate on saving money for the most important event of my life (our wedding).

So yes, onto this weekend. Friday evening we have Haydn and Kaylie's Engagement Party. Yay! A time to come together to celebrate two gorgeous young people getting engaged - and to spend some time with C's family.  On Saturday morning I'm taking my gorgeous grandmother out to do some errands and have morning tea with her. Saturday afternoon I welcome Team AXF to AXFHQ for a bit of a gathering as we prepare to walk 10km for SA-YES on Sunday in this years Bridge To Brisbane.  Post walk, I don't have much time to go home, get changed, and head to The Gabba to watch the Brisbane Lions play their final game for season 2012 --- and somewhere in between all of that... I have to hand deliver some Wedding Save The Dates.

Also, if there is time I wouldn't mind taking some photos. Somewhere. 

So hopefully, I won't have time to feel sorry for myself that I'm not going to yet another convention.

Do you know what would help this though? Better guests at the upcoming Australian Conventions. Just saying. 

[ Sponsor AXF as they walk 10km for SA-YES in this weekends Bridge To Brisbane ]

This is what I tell myself every day.

My daily dose of Daisaku Ikeda:

'Our hopes, desires and ambitions are powerful forces existing within us for the shaping of the future. They are the generating forces that create the future. To lose hope or give up one’s goals because of the setbacks of the moment is to diminish one’s own life potential. Hopes, dreams, faith and sense of mission enable us to open up our lives.'

Going to the Brisbane Tara Kadampa Centre 'Love, Desire, Attachment' Course this weekend. Really looking forward to more meditation education on my path to becoming a more spiritual person! 

Today was a really good day for putting my Buddhist teachings into practice.

Today was my busiest day of the year. A day where I spend over 14 hours at work. It is a day when all payrates are increased, and all PAYG Summaries are printed.

This morning, I made up my mind that I wasn't going to stress over anything. It is a situation that has to happen, and it is out of my control.

So I meditated before I started work - had a cup of tea - and went to work.

So here I am - Fourteen hours later. Sitting here waiting for the last 300 Summaries to print.

I'm tired. But I'm feeling relatively positive.

This is a huge leap forward for me, and I'm super excited about it.

[ Life ] Selfish Unselfish

My 'Unselfish Selfish' purchases today. Excited to read both.

[ Spiritual ] I'm here on this planet to hope (so)

Since making a few changes to move forward on the path to a more healthy me (in mind, body and soul) I have been practicing mindfulness and trying to meditate. Meditation some days has been extremely difficult because I can't get my mind to just be still. I am currently in a bit of a inner battle with myself over my occupation. I want to stay where I am, yet am constantly drawn to other things that I think may be better not just for me, but for others.  Right now I'm not planning my annual (AXF) fundraiser because I've decided that my body needs a little bit more rest before I throw myself into that again. But, in the same respect I am getting restless because I'm not planning it. 

Time passes in moments... moments which, rushing past, define the path of a life, just as surely as they lead towards its end. How rarely do we stop to examine that path, to see the reasons why all things happen, to consider whether the path we take in life is our own making, or simply one into which we drift with eyes closed. But what if we could stop, pause to take stock of each precious moment before it passes? Might we then see the endless forks in the road that have shaped a life? And, seeing those choices, choose another path? - Dana Scully 'All Things' The X-Files (7x17)

I really need to go to more Buddhist classes. I didn't end up getting to the last Meditation course/class due to a severe lack of funds (spent on a purely selfish indulgence I might add). I have just checked on the Tara Kadampa (Brisbane) site and seen that the next course is about 'Living in the moment'. I think this is something that I really need to learn to do, to turn my mind off and just appreciate everything that happens - and remember that everything does indeed happen for a reason.